How to find the best bra for a fuller bust

So, you don’t wear incorrect fitting shoes, so why would you wear an incorrectly fitting bra.  There are many aspects to a bra, whether it is lacey, balconnet, t-shirt bra, with wires or without and so forth.  There’s a lot that goes into a large cup bra, no pun intended.  There can be up around 76 sizes of one style and some cases even more.  The difference in cups and bands can be marginal, but make all the difference for the overall fit and feel of the bra and can sometimes make or break your day.


Firstly some questions for you…

What’s the reason for needing this bra?  Are you looking for a lacey number for date night or do you have a horse riding adventure coming up?  Maybe you just need some more bras because your old ones are worn out.

What will this bra be worn under? Will you be wearing tight tops, Lycra tops, sweaters or blouses?

What is the main activity being done in this bra?

What is my size?

There are many bra brands out there that make amazing bras for larger busted women, so how do we figure out which ones are good and which ones are just for show.

There’s a lot to consider when shopping for a braand here are some things to look out for:


If you can touch and feel the fabric, make sure it feels sturdy and also feels nice to touch.  Remember this is going against your breasts. Don’t be afraid to give it a tug and a pull.  Make sure you like the feel of it.

If you are looking for something with support, the lower cup (the section that is beneath the nipple) should have minimal stretch.

When shopping for lacey bras, it’s a good idea to check that the holes of the lace are not too big and there won’t be any flesh popping through these (not a good look)

Hot tip:  Double layers in the back section are always a good idea.



The straps should be wide enough to be displacing the weight from your breasts onto your shoulder.  These should be a short stretch, as in not much stretch at all to inhibit them cutting into your shoulders.

If you are short waisted then make sure the straps are not too long, as you will most likely want them at their shortest.

If you are tall, then make sure the straps are not too short.

Hot Tip:  Some bras have 2 straps joined where the front strap is rigid and the back strap is the adjuster.  These can be problematic for shorter torso women.

Wires and Side Bones: 

To wear a wire or not to? That is the question.  Do you prefer your wires to be completely stiff and supporting, or do you like a little bit of movement throughout your day. If going for a wire, see if you can easily bend and twist when wearing it.  If you feel it digging in at all when you’re in the change room, more than likely you will be super uncomfortable at the end of the day.

Most wired bras also have side boning so make sure this isn’t digging into you either.

Hot tip:  If you are larger busted and looking for a wire bra, check and see if the wires are close together at the center front (between the cups).  If yes – great.  If nearly overlapping – even better.  If they are 2 cm apart – walk away….


Wash and Care:  When washing your bras, if they have wires, make sure you only wash them with cool water.  Wire channeling has a tendency to shrink, even for the best brands, and this can cause the wires to pop out.  We don’t want that.

Now that you’re a bra expert, you can focus on something else for the day.  Hopefully these tips have made it easier to purchase something that will suit your purpose.


Like many women out there, Katie Brooker is an avid multi-tasker.  Apart from being the head designer and fit technician for Sugar Candy, she’s the mother of 2 diverse young girls.  Her goal is to provide comfort and support to breastfeeding mothers and to help them achieve this with beautiful bras that will fit and endure that rigorous path.  See more of her designs at follow her on @sugarcandy.

Guest post written and provided by

Best Athletic Apparel for Full Figured Athletes

It goes without saying that having some fashion-forward yet functional athletic apparel in your wardrobe may make you more motivated to hit the gym. We’re not just talking about cute patterns or bright colors, either — but the kind of pieces that also practically address all of your needs during a sweat session. If you’re a curvy woman, there’s a specific set of requirements your fitness apparel needs to meet to make the cut. But there’s no reason why you should compromise on style just to accommodate your body type.

Whether you’re looking to nail that warrior pose, train for a half marathon or boost your boxing skills, you deserve to look — and feel — good doing it. Luckily, we rounded up some of the best fitness apparel from size-inclusive companies, from flattering tanks to supportive sports bras.


Best basic legging

The brand Addition Elle has been around for more than 30 years with the motto “fashion democracy in sizes 12 to 26.” NOLA is the company’s partnership with body-positive supermodel Ashley Graham, and it includes a vast array of eye-catching activewear for plus-sized women. You can’t go wrong with the Nola Run Sculpting Legging Capris — they boast compression technology and a wide-waistband, which helps with shaping from the waist down, smoothing and flattering your hips, stomach and legs. To boot, the body mapping on these leggings promise increased ventilation so you stay cool and comfortable throughout your sweat session.

Best long-sleeved pullover

Katie Kozloff is a former fitness trainer who noticed that plus-sized clients in her classes were struggling to find stylish workout apparel. So she founded her own line, Katie K Active — and every single design is fit on plus-sized models to ensure they’re flattering. The Propel Funnel-Neck Pullover is an ideal layering piece for workouts during the cooler seasons, with 4-way stretch moisture-wicking performance fabric and thumbholes on the sleeves to keep your hands warm. A wide bottom band and the extra length lend some coverage and contouring anti-chafe seams offer comfort and subtle shaping at the same time.


Best sports bra

There’s no doubt that a well-constructed plus size sports bra is essential to any workout, whether you’re doing cardio, strength training or anything in between. This is especially true with high-impact activity, such as running, HIIT and plyometrics. Opt for a plus size high impact sports bra, which is specifically designed to control bounce during intense exercise. We suggest the Glamorise Sport Underwire Sport Bra, which features seamless double-layer cups for bounce reduction, moisture-wicking fabric and two-way stretch in the back for maximum comfort.


Best tee

The name says it all: Marika Curves is all about designing activewear that allows you to embrace your figure, no matter what kind of physical activity you’re engaging in. When you’re seeking a workout top that has sleeves but is still practical for warmer weather, look no further than the Emma slimming tee, which is constructed of soft, stretchy Dry-Wik fabric as well as power mesh, which is known for its compression capabilities. The V-neck and shirred curve seams have an instant slimming effect, and it comes in a slew of both neutral as well as bright colors.

Best tank

Juno Active, which was created over 20 years ago, is specifically aimed at women sizes XL to 6X, and all of the clothing is designed using plus-sized models to make the patterns. The brand offers gear for a wide range of activities, from running and swimming to tennis and yoga, and all the prices are remarkably budget-friendly. The Stretch Naturals Long Support Tank allows for free movement in a blend of cotton and Lycra with a hint of spandex, features a chafe-free inner shelf, and it comes in a multitude of striking hues. The v-neck front and modified racerback back provide a sleek silhouette, and you can easily wear it tucked in our out of your workout bottoms, or layered under a zip-up.

Best fun leggings

Sometimes basic black leggings just won’t cut it. On days when you need a little extra dose of color and print to inspire your workout, slip on a pair by Lineagewear. The line quickly became known for its universally flattering leggings in eye-catching patterns, like the super popular watercolor leggings, which are available in sizes up to 5X and have sold out more than once. The high waist, contoured shape, angled inseam and lightweight, moisture-wicking fabric make these leggings a godsend no matter what kind of exercise you’re performing.

Guest post written and provided by Glamorise


Superhero Wedding Flow

My darling husband Howard was asked to be the best man at a friend’s wedding, which is an honor in itself, but the honor for me was to be at his side in the presence of friends and family at this special occasion of love and union.

Howard and I married in 2012, when I was 39 years old, so I spent many years before meeting Howard attending special events by myself and always yearned for a time in my life where I would have my best friend, my man, my partner by my side. That dream has now come true and I love attending events as a couple. I feel endlessly happy, fortunate and proud. We’re a team. It’s us against the world. He’s my hero, and I’m his super ☺️

So Howard’s required attire was a black suit, lime green shirt, and black tie. Easy enough, and of course my Mom found the perfect lime green flower for us both to wear as an added summer accessory.

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I decided on a lovely black dress I’ve had for years with a woven chain link keyhole neckline, shark-bite hemline (which I’ve always found very flattering on me), and to bring in the lime color, I borrowed this chiffon scarf from my Mom and gently pinned it in place so that I would be comfortable and not worry about it falling off my shoulders all afternoon. My sandals are a strappy wedge pair I got at Le Chateau warehouse a few years ago, and they’re comfortable for all day wear since the incline is quite manageable. Wedges are a fantastic way to get the height & the sexiness, without the pain or the harmful impact on your knees and joints.


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My loving Mom who is ALWAYS there to help adjust, complete, tuck, pin and bestow her loving touch upon everything.

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Howard is a man of few words, but the expression on his face when he saw me made me feel like a beautiful lime fairy goddess, and I’ve learned to read and adsorb those expressions rather to wait for an actual compliment to be verbalized. I felt wonderful.

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The wedding was perfect and the day was splendid. It brought me such joy to share this special day with the bride and groom, Neil and Kanesha.




I look forward to sharing so many more life moments like this with Howard at my side.

OMG – did I forget to talk about the FOOD?

C’mon now, let’s appreciate how beautifully presented this salad and fruit platter are! I know your taste buds are watering right now – sorry! The delicious dinner in true Jamaican style consisted of curry goat, fried chicken and jerk chicken, with rice and peas. For recipes on how you can make these yourself, click here.


Thanks for reading, loves! Please share your wedding, love, relationship, fashion, travel, food & dining comments below!

Photography by me (Stefanie Augusteijn)

Black dress: old, but great option here

Wedge sandals: old, but great options here

Chiffon scarf: old, but great options here

Copyright SassyPlus 2015 – All rights reserved.

I QUIT!!! A Plus Size Woman’s Quit Smoking Journey – Entry 1

May 12, 2015 I decided to quit smoking. My husband has been asking, begging me for 4 years now to quit, and I just didn’t know how. That’s the honest truth. Unless you’re a smoker or used to be a smoker, you don’t understand how devastatingly addictive and consuming this drug really is and that smokers just don’t know where to start or how to quit. They do not believe they have the mental fortitude required to successfully quit.

I bought two weeks worth of Stage 1 Patches (21 mg of nicotine dispensed within a 24 hour period) and one week worth of Stage 2 Patches (14 mg).  

For the first 10 days or so, I had one cigarette per day, or one and a half, and just kept telling myself that as long as I didn’t buy a pack, I would be ok. Don’t buy a pack. Don’t buy a pack. Buying a pack signified to me that I would have failed. Then I went a few days straight without having a cigarette at all, and found those days extremely challenging. My every waking thought was of having a cigarette. I would fantasize about buying a pack. Having 25 whole cigarettes at my disposal. Delicious. Sick, but so enticing. But I didn’t give in. I would listen to Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking Audiobook like it was a lifeline. In my car, before going to sleep. Whenever I could without disrupting work or daily duties.


On Saturday May 30 I was at an event and it was hot, hectic, stressful and a woman near me said she was going outside for a cigarette. I muted all voices in my head saying why I shouldn’t, and tuned up the volume on the one voice, albeit the ever-powerful nicotine monster voice telling me why I should and why one was ok. I smoked it. The nasty cig gave me a bit of a head rush, and I gotta say I enjoyed it. But during the long drive home I felt disappointed in myself, weak, and like a failure.

Allen refers to the addiction (and I use the word ‘addiction’ here very intentionally, because it’s not a ‘habit’, as its commonly referred to in order to diminish it’s perilous nature) as a “nicotine monster” in your stomach that needs to be fed. While I thought that having only one per day was a huge improvement over 20-25 per day, all I was doing was drip feeding the nicotine monster and keeping it alive. I thought that by sticking to my mantra of not buying a pack, but still smoking one here and there, that I could still consider myself as a successful quitter. But that’s a lie. I need to starve that fucking monster to death. Allen stresses the fact that ‘there is no such thing as ONE cigarette’. All one cigarette does is make you want another cigarette.

It’s a chain reaction.

I was fooling myself into thinking that having one per day was somehow satisfying, but all I wanted was another in the evening, the next morning, after dinner, while driving on a sunny morning to work. It’s a chain reaction, period.

So I clicked on “I smoked” in my handy stop smoking smart phone app (“Butt Out”), and to my dismay it reset my start date to that very day. So the previous X number of days that I had been 100% smoke free just went up in, uh, smoke. My carbon monoxide, circulation, lung health, and all other health trackers went back to zero progress. While it’s just a few stats on an app, it was devastating to me because it seemed like all those days where I worked so hard to resist were in vain. 


And so it begins again. Later that evening, I showered after my long exhausting day, and settled down with the book and some candles, determined again to fortify my resolve.


I’ve also joined a Facebook group called Quit Smoking Support – there are many of them so you just need to pick one that maintains a positive environment. Another technique that helps me get through cravings is helping and inspiring others. I read their posts and comment, engage in conversations with people who are considering quitting or who have successfully quit for any length of time.

FOOD! Let’s talk about food. As a plus size woman, who admittedly loves her carbs and sweets, the fear that I would want to eat everything in sight was REAL. So how am I dealing with that? Well, I think being AWARE is the most important thing, and stocking the fridge with healthy, natural snacks is essential. And healthy snacks have so many other benefits too. Read more on foods that can help with the quit and provide wonderful benefits too. For me, it’s pineapple – they truly are the fruit of the Gods. 


So this morning, a beautiful sunny Tuesday June 2, I received this gift from one of my customers and fans, Louise Vokins from Renew Life Canada. 


A smoker’s cleanse supplement regimen, designed to “curb cravings, deal with stress, and support the lungs”. Such a lovely, thoughtful and generous gesture on her part. I started right away and I’ll share updates on my progress with this product. 

Side note: Louise is also a representative of YouNique Beauty Products, namely the amazing YouNique Fiber Lashes which I personally use and highly recommend. 

Contact Louise here:

Facebook: Mascara Mama

Instagram: @mascaramama

3x wow

And for more inspiration, check this out on the amazing things that start happening to your body RIGHT AWAY when you quit smoking. So here’s to 2 days, 16 hours and 27 minutes completely, 100% smoke free and to many, many, many more.

Copyright SassyPlus 2015 – All rights reserved.

12 Easy Ways to INCREASE your Libido as a Plus Size Woman, naturally.

As women, in all our emotionally charged glory, feeling good about ourselves, feeling pretty, and sexy, has EVERYTHING to do with our sexuality, and –> our libido.

There are so many things that can increase or decrease our libido. And as plus size women, most of us have been through countless and sadly similar experiences of bullying, self-hatred, shame, public embarrassment, rejection – and while some of us have overcome and even soared over these, their effects can still linger and interfere with our libido at different times in our lives.

I’ve partnered with Stefani Ndhlovu, BSC, MA, a Sexual Health and Wellness Therapist (and plus size woman) to talk about this, and how we can take small but important steps to revive our mojo, naturally.


It’s a huge libido killer. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s all about perspective. Sometimes when my stress is at its highest, I take mental inventory of the things that are good; that are going well, that I have to be grateful for because despite the stressful things happening in my life, there is still plenty of good. And comfort. Stefani encourages us to do the same:

In a quiet spot, close your eyes and visualize 3 things that you’re grateful for and that genuinely make you happy.

You just have to consciously see them. I’ll go first: I am healthy. I love Canada. I have fabulous hair. I’ve made mistakes and I am a better person because of them. I love my job. I love warm summer nights. I LOVE flannel anything, strawberries and puppies. I am a glorious woman and my complexities are my fabric. I enjoy friendships. I am grateful for my girlfriends. I can dream.

Your turn.

Do it.


We’ve heard it before, but it has significant impacts. Certain changes in your body, due to weight or age or stress, can make you feel less attractive. And with women, libido is all about self-esteem. It is our nature to give and nurture others, but we forget about ourselves often putting our families and loved ones before us.

But as they say on a plane, in case of emergency, you must put your mask on before you help those in your care. Bottom line, you need to take care of yourself first.

Spend that $40 on a pedicure, get those $100 highlights, use that expensive cream you got as a gift, buy a new dress that makes you feel pretty – even if it’s NOT on sale, get a facial – yes, book one right now, wear your sexiest bra and panty, or better yet don’t wear any panties at all! Not only are you so worth it, YOU NEED IT. These actions will lift the funk. You feminine, sensual seductress you.

Part of pampering yourself also includes, in my opinion, being kind to yourself. If you are feeling unattractive, try to see yourself through your partner’s eyes. In most cases, from what I see from the couples than come shopping at my boutique, the women are harder on themselves than their partners are. Your partner is with you because you are attractive to them. Accept that. And putting yourself down certainly doesn’t do any good in the sex appeal department, in anyone’s eyes. Focus on the parts of yourself that you find beautiful – the world will see them, and so will you.


As Stefani says,

“It’s amazing what a little vitamin D can do for the soul”.


And my Mom always said, “you don’t know what’s important until you’re in touch with nature”. Being outside puts things in perspective. Go for a walk by yourself. Get to the waterfront, with a girlfriend. Bring a blanket and sit with her. The water is therapeutic. Take an evening stroll with your partner. Warm summer nights are infectiously romantic. Stop in a shaded area and make out. Yes, it’s ok to initiate. If your backyard is private, create an inviting environment there. You don’t need a reservation or a dollar. Just get outside.


It sounds cliché, but regardless of how your partner feels about lingerie, whether they’re into it or not, this is about YOU. Wearing a slinky babydoll that you feel sexy in, or perhaps you prefer a totally racy fishnet chemise, either way, it’s going to drive a few points on the libido scale. Early in my relationship, my husband said he didn’t really feel that lingerie made a difference. So for a long time I gave up wearing any; I gave up on something I had previously enjoyed, and this negatively impacted my sex drive. It made me feel sexless, asexual. I eventually realized that whether he expressed his interest or not, I felt sexy in lingerie and that was a turn-on for both of us. So now I just do it and I’ve reconnected with my sensual self. Here are some links to where you can purchase plus size lingerie: (for more Fetish look) (USA)

Pardon the unprofessional selfie, but I had to capture myself because it’s what inspired this post. This sheer night gown is from La Vie en Rose and their XL fit me (size 16). Just getting it on, having had a fresh pedi and new highlights earlier that day, smelling like my favorite peachy fresh skin cream with a hint of Pink Friday perfume, taking the time to put ON a necklace just for the occasion, and taking pictures totally made me feel sexy and in the mood. Even taking some close ups to send to my husband during the week by text was exciting. I shall unabashedly report that the evening was SO MUCH FUN which brings me to point #5.

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“Make whoopee…that’s right, have sex” says Stefani. Yes, even if your libido seems like its in a dark closet collecting dust, sometimes just doing the act itself, even if you don’t feel like it, “…can increase your endorphins, and what do endorphins do? They make us happy – and actually cause a release of oxytocins, the so called “love hormone” which goes straight to your brain, and that’s the most important sexual organ on the female body.”

Can we repeat that? The brain is the most important sexual organ on the female body.

Stefani goes on to state that “taking care of your mind is one of the best things you can do for your sexual health and wellness…trust me ladies, your vagina will thank you.”


Fantasize. If you’re driving along, on your way to the grocery store, and something, whatever it is, makes you feel excited or, dare I say, horny for a moment, relish it. Do not push the thought out, do not question it. “Don’t let the taboos of society cloud your sexual potential”, says Stefani. Instead, “let it linger, acknowledge it and make a point to think about it again later, when the time is right, whether that’s a quiet moment alone at home, in the shower, with a B.O.B (Battery Operated Boyfriend) or with someone that will help release your sexual energy”.

7. SWAP BUBBLY FOR RED WINE – excerpt from

Romantic dinner? Order a glass of Pinot Noir or other red wine: Women who drank a glass of red daily reported higher levels of sexual desire and vaginal lubrication, compared with those who sipped any kind of alcohol only occasionally or those who didn’t drink at all, according to a study in the The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Researchers suspect that red wine’s high levels of polyphenols, a type of antioxidant, may help blood vessels widen, which can increase blood flow to key arousal areas. Stick to one glass, advises lead author Nicola Mondaini, MD; any more may extinguish your libido.


According to Stefani, taste is a great way to get the “juices” going.

Eat some of this: berries, strawberries, blackberries or raspberries – yum, broccoli, cloves, figs, watermelon, eggs, ginseng, saffron, lettuce and ginger. Read why here.

And contrary to popular belief, oysters can play a negative role in libido levels, as can processed baked goods and dairy.

Stefani suggest taking sandwich making to a whole new level because peanuts are a natural aphrodisiac for men, and for women, it’s asparagus. Eating pineapples or drinking natural pineapple juice a few hours before oral engagements is not only great for your skin and energy levels (and super tasty like fruit of the Gods!!) but it will also temporarily change the taste of your secretions. YUM! But Piña Colada doesn’t count 🙂


Knowing how and why your body works will not only empower you; but give you power over the mighty O, Stefani says. And here’s why: The sexual response cycle is a sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a person becomes sexually aroused during sexually stimulating activities including intercourse and masturbation. Knowing how your body responds during each phase of the cycle can enhance your relationship with sex. Detailed descriptions of each cycle are provided below.


Our bodies are a wonderland, so it’s ok to play. Stefani tells us how to choose sex toys and what to look for.

“Purchasing a sex toy is like purchasing a car – you need to spend some time researching what kind of quality is being offered by all the different brands, makes and models. Price, look, design, features; benefits and feel all come into play. Think about what you are looking for in a sex toy. Since most stores have thousands to choose from, you could be standing in front of a wall full of dildos, vibrators and dongs for days*. Below you will find tips to help you choose a sex toy that’s right for you.


Stefani reports that people who are dissatisfied with their sex lives often complain about not being able to find time for sexual expression. Whatever the cause (fatigue, children, work, etc.), it is possible to find time to engage in sexual activity, whether it’s with a partner or alone. Aside from reproduction, sex is ultimately about intimacy and pleasure.

Sexual expression has MANY positive physical, intellectual, emotional, psychological, and social benefits.

Here are some findings on the health benefits of sex.

Physical Wellness and Physical Appearance

An active sex life may yield benefits such as a more youthful appearance. In addition, sexual activity burns calories and fat, and it has been suggested that people with active sex lives tend to exercise more frequently and have better dietary habits than those who are less sexually active. Likewise, physical fitness can improve sexual health.


The intimacy hormone, oxytocin, is released during orgasm. Studies show that oxytocin promotes better sleep. And better sleep has been linked to stronger immunity and longer lifespan.

Disease Prevention and Management

Your chances of having heart problems decrease if you stay sexually active. This is due to higher levels of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter (brain chemical) that is produced during arousal and orgasm. Research has shown that sexual activity and orgasms bolster our immune system. Sexual activity and orgasm during menstruation has a potentially protective effect against endometriosis. Women who continue to be sexually active after they reach menopause, with a partner or through masturbation, are less likely to have significant vaginal atrophy and are more likely to report sufficient vaginal lubrication.

Emotional Benefits, Well-Being and Relationship Improvement

Sexual experience and satisfaction are closely correlated with overall quality of life. They increase your sense of well-being and personal satisfaction. Sexual activity is negatively correlated with the risk and incidence of psychiatric illness, depression and suicide.

Sexual activity and orgasm reduce stress.

Sexual satisfaction is also associated with the stability of relationships. Consistent mutual sexual pleasure increases bonding within a relationship. It has also been demonstrated that coupled partners have increased relationship satisfaction when they fulfill one another’s sexual desires. A study of young married women found that those who reported masturbating also reported greater marital satisfaction.


While those hot, spontaneous moments like you see in the movies, are well, pretty hot, there’s something to be said for preparation. Sex and cleanliness go hand in hand. When you feel fresh, and your environment in clean, you are less inhibited, and perhaps even more adventurous. While there’s nothing wrong with a hot and spontaneous moment, taking the time to create a fresh and romantic space definitely doesn’t hurt. Scented candles, a plush new area rug, music. There’s a reason love songs have stood the test of time you know.

So that’s a wrap ladies – what are you waiting for? Do you have tips to share that have worked for you? Comment below. Let’s elevate each other and keep ourselves in a positive space.





Vibrator: looks like a penis and vibrates

Dildo: looks like a penis, sometimes vibrates sometimes doesn’t

Dong: doesn’t vibrate, looks like a shaft but not phallic looking

The Sexual Response Cycle
There are four phases of the sexual response cycle: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Both men and women experience these phases, but the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. For example, it is unlikely that both partners will orgasm at the same time. Understanding these phases may help partners better understand one another’s bodies and responses, and enhance the sexual experience.

Phase 1: Excitement
The excitement phase can last from a few minutes to several hours. During this phase…

  • Muscle tension builds.
  • Heart rate and breathing accelerate.
  • Skin may flush.
  • Nipples become erect.
  • Blood flow to the genitals increases. A woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips) swell, and a man’s penis becomes erect.
  • Vaginal lubrication begins.
  • A woman’s breasts become fuller and her vaginal walls begin to swell.
  • A man’s testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and his penis secretes lubricating liquid.

Phase 2: Plateau
The plateau phase extends to the brink of orgasm. During the plateau phase…

  • Body changes that began in the excitement phase intensify.
  • A woman’s vagina continues to swell, and the vaginal walls turn a dark purple.
  • A woman’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive and may even be painful to touch. The clitoris retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis.
  • A man’s testicles withdraw into the scrotum.
  • Breathing, heart rate and blood pressure continue to increase.
  • Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face and hands.
  • Tension in the muscles increases.

Phase 3: Orgasm
This phase is the climax of the sexual response cycle. It generally lasts only a few seconds. During orgasm…

  • Involuntary muscle contractions begin.
  • Blood pressure, heart rate and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen.
  • Muscles in the feet spasm.
  • There is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension.
  • A woman’s vaginal muscles and uterus contract rhythmically.
  • A man’s muscles at the base of his penis contract rhythmically while he ejaculates semen.
  • A rash, or “sex flush,” may appear over the entire body.

Phase 4: Resolution
During this phase, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning, and swollen or erect body parts return to their previous size and color. During this phase, you may feel a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, often, fatigue. Some women are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. Men need recovery time after orgasm, called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and changes with age.


Answering these questions to the best of your ability will help narrow the overwhelming selection.

How do you orgasm or what are you looking to stimulate? Clitoris?  G-spot? Deep Penetration? Duel? U-spot? A-spot? Anus? There are toys that are designed for each of these erogenous zones.

What is your sensitivity level?

Is durability important to you?

What about portability?

Is noise a factor?

What about price?

Will vibration be too intense for you? Will a dong do?

How sensitive are your vaginal walls? Do you like the feel of a veined penis?

SEX TOY TIP #2: Who, What, When, Where…Oh My!

The WHO is not always as easy as you would think. Are you looking for a toy for casual play? Alone or with a partner? How does your partner feel about toys? Have you talked about it with them? Is it going to be used as a marital aid? Are you newly single again and need a toy to help with “SEX-peration anxieties?” Are you already an avid toy collector and looking to spice it up, challenge yourself and go to the next level?

The WHAT comes with a few more complex questions. What are you looking for from the toy? What kind of orgasm do you want to experience? What do you hope the toy will be able to provide you with? What are your lifestyle circumstances? Are you living at home with parents? Do you have children that are in the next room?

The WHEN is more of a lifestyle question. When are you going to be using your sex toy? Is it your birthday, anniversary? Just because it’s Tuesday? Do you want to experiment with new positions, ideas or fantasies? Where are you using your sex toy? Steamy, sex in the shower?  Heating up your play in the hot tub? Bedroom, kitchen or the garden? Outside can be a fun way to spice up your love life, just know the laws surrounding public nudity in your area. In your backyard with a fence is okay, public park…play at own risk!


You’ve made the decision to buy a sex toy. Although some people are reluctant to patronize a sex shop, you will find one of the largest selections of toys at the Stag Shop, which is a more upscale “sex boutique” with highly knowledgeable and trained associates. They provide a non-judgmental and safe environment to shop and ask questions regarding one of the most sensitive and personal purchases you’ll ever make. Purchasing a sex toy is easiest if you can see it in person. You won’t get a proper sense of the toy’s size, smell, texture or vibration unless you can pick it up and turn it on.

SEX TOY TIP #3: What the PH-uck?

The material of the toy is a big one: just like reading that fine print on the bottom of the contract before you sign your life away to purchase that new car, you need to know what you are about to put into the most sensitive parts of your body. What is the toy made of? PVC? Silicone? Jelly? Latex? Glass? Wood? Acrylic? TPR? Elastomer? Aluminum? Steel? Rubber? A combination of “surprise materials?”

IMPORTANT: Is the product phthalate free? Phthalates are a family of industrial chemicals that are used as plastic softeners or solvents in many different consumer products. They can be absorbed through the skin, inhaled as fumes, ingested when they are in your mouth. Phthalates are not just found in sex toys, phthalates have also been found in many leading beauty care products, including hair spray, deodorant, nail polish and perfume that you may be using every day.

Phthalate chemicals are very hard on the environment. They cannot be fully recycled, they are not biodegradable and they have a harmful reaction known as “off gassing”. Basically the chemicals in the toy are released over time into the air, environment and of course into your body when you use the toy and can disrupt the human hormonal system. When our PH balance is off set that leaves us vulnerable to infections and UTI’s.

SEX TOY TIP #4: What’s that smell?

If it smells like burning rubber or has an intense “chemical” smell to it, usually this means there are high levels phthalates in the product. You can still buy and play with sex toys that are made with phthalates, but you will need to cover it up with a condom or toy cover.

SEX TOY TIP #5: Touch Me!

You should always be able to touch a toy and see how it works, or even if it works before you make your purchase, because in most cases you will not be able to return it. You should always ask to see the toy work before you pay for it and leave the store. If the toy has a slimy or really sticky oily residue on it, then it is most likely due to the leaching of the chemicals in the product.

Sex toys are not regulated by Health Canada or the FDA because they are considered novelties, and not meant for actual use. So when it comes to manufacturing sex toys there are little to no considerations given to the fact that they are going to be used in highly sensitive areas of the body. Since sex toys are not regulated, they can be made out of any material. That being said, while some toys are “bad”, there is always a safe, healthy alternative.


It is so important to keep your sex toy safe and clean. Don’t drop your sex toy on the floor; this can damage the motor or the material – but if you do because you’re just having such a good rodeo time, then so be it (YAY!) but it may need to be discarded and replaced. If you have a toy that requires batteries…always remove the batteries from your toy when it is not in use. This will prevent the toy from being accidentally left on and wearing out the motor. It will also keep the batteries from leaking and corroding the motor. Try not to use rechargeable batteries with your sex toy. The power of rechargeable has been proven to be too powerful for the motors! Use new or fresh batteries with new toys. If you have a plug-in toy, remember to turn it off, as these will over heat if left on too long. When you are done with your toy, let it cool down before you store it. This will prevent any overheating before you put it away. Never immerse your sex toy in water, unless it is a water safe/proof sex toy. Always take time to clean nonporous sex toys with a mild soap and warm water or toy cleaner. Use a damp cloth to wipe your toy down. Make sure you ask the associate for cleaning instructions or read the cleaning directions found in the packaging of the toy. Not all sex toys clean the same as they all vary in material.

Sex Toy Shopping Checklist

PURPOSE: What part (or parts) of your body do you want to stimulate? Is it for solo play, partner sex or both?

INTENSITY: Electric vibrators offer stronger vibrations than battery operated ones.

DURABILITY: Electric vibrators and brand name battery vibrators last the longest.

PORTABILITY: Battery vibrators or rechargeable electric models travel well.

TEXTURE: If you will be inserting the sex toy, do you want hard plastic, pliable vinyl or rubber, or realistic cyber skin or silicone? Nonporous surfaces are easier to clean.

SHAPE: Smooth? Rippled? Curved? Resembling a penis?

COLOR: Flesh tones? Pastels? Metallic? Jewel tones? Glow in the dark?

NOISE: Coil-operated electric vibrators are the quietest. Hard plastic battery vibrators and some large wand vibrators are the loudest.

PRICE: You get what you pay for. Electric vibrators and duel battery vibrators are on the higher end. Basic battery vibrators are on the lower end.

To contact Stefani Ndhlovu, BSC, MA, a Sexual Health and Wellness Therapist

Twitter @stefanindhlovu

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Phone: 519 749 5115

By appointment ONLY

Kitchener, Ontario

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